Intro Trap Song: Kodak Black, "SKRT"
This Episode's Big Thought
"I just think we need a chance as humans to fail in order to discover what actually works, you know? People don't think there's a process to being happy."- Earn
Putting pop in your courtesy cup of water.
"Just try not to die." "EVERY DAY."
Best Darius Quotes
"Selling drugs is easy. People are addicted to them."
"Your assumed aversion to the word "Daddy" is stemming from your fear of mortality, man."
"I'm going to handcuff the briefcase to my wrist. Cause it's professional, nigga, we ain't no duffle bag boys."
Scene: I don't see no kids.
Earn walks into this fast food restaurant and tries to order a kid's meal because....broke. The girl at the counter is doing way too much and feels like she made it in life because someone just promoted her to shift manager and she has a nametag now so she's REAL important. She tells Earn that she can't risk losing her job because she's just giving out discounted meals all day. Like, girl- do you have stock in this here restaurant? Are you paid on commission for every fry, drink, and burger that you show receipts for? She continues to give Earn hell until he simply asks for a courtesy cup of water which her annoying behind finally gives him with pleasure. This is the kind of girl that would lord over her broke boyfriend that SHE has benefits and prestige at her job so SHE should be treated like a queen. Girl, bye. Earn takes that courtesy cup of water and proceeds to fill it with soda because....again....BROKE. A nosy employee looks like she wants to snitch so Earn gestures to her to shut up and then he dips. Show starts.
Scene: Try not to die.
Earn is sitting on the couch talking to Alfred and Darius about his broke lifestyle and they try and convince him that he should sell drugs because the business is downright "lucrative...because people are addicted to them." Alfred tells Earn that him and Darius are going to see the Migos (a play on words that we learn about later) to complete a huge drug deal and Earn tells them not to die. It is at this moment that Alfred replies with "EV-UH-REE-DAY" which is in part hilarious because of the way that it's said, but also poignant because he is a Black man in America and that is what we have to be ready to tell our sons in the event that we will never see them again. (See: Trayvon. Philando. Freddie. Tamir. Do we have to go on? Do we? #BLACKLIVESMATTER). As Darius is cleaning out his gun to prepare for the Migos meeting, he loses a bullet in a cereal box because he is Extra Lit, he lives in Darius World and not super in touch with reality, and we are best friends in my head.
Scene: My dreads are in a bun.
Van comes in the house with the baby girl and she's pissed because Earn hasn't been doing anything of value all day and she has to watch the kid. Earn apologizes for being inconsiderate and then asks if she would like to go out to dinner the next night. (NIGGA, YOU'RE BROKE!!!) Van then says that it is too late and he tells her that he can get a corny nigga to eat it with her- which again is confusing to me because Earn is hella corny (am I alone on this?) Van then tells him that he forces her to appear like the angry Black woman when she gets frustrated over his lackadaisical behavior and he shadily agrees. The fact that we can even have a conversation, even a light one, about the prevalence of the angry Black woman on cable TV is a gem to me. They start talking about stereotypes and how Earn is the stereotypical Black father who can't take care of his kids as he responds that it is working out just fine for him because he's homeless and he's laying in her bed. This is a life lesson for all you working women who let your trife partners have a roof on their heads when they're not helping to put any money in your pockets. He's not going to change, he's going to still be broke, because he has somewhere to lay his head- thanks to your free provision. Take notes.
Scene: How are you broke on payday?
Earn wakes up and checks his direct deposit and he has received a whopping $96 in his bank account. He calls his friend to get some FB (F___ boy) advice to find out the best place to take Van on their date. F__ Boy is in the car with one of the girls that he messes with and he overhears everything (which usually is the move when you are not the main) and he is totally unbothered and simply shrugs her off when she proceeds to look pissed. Can we just pause here and just note that this girl is driving HIM around?! Ya'll want to keep getting mad at these men, but you don't feel any type of way about them using your gas money up? It couldn't be me. Earn goes into the house and finds a bottle of wine on top of the cabinets and thinks to himself that he just may win tonight when he takes Van out on this date. We can all tell from the brand and the dustiness of that bottle that he will definitely be taking an L tonight.
Scene: You call your gun Daddy?
Darius and Alfred are in the kitchen cleaning their guns in preparation for their Migos drug meeting and having a conversation about what they each call each of their pistols. Darius calls his gun "Daddy" and Alfred believes that is extremely weird, which YES. Darius brings up the idea of girls calling Alfred "Daddy" during sex and Alfred also agrees that is weird. Darius asks about the word "Papi" which Alfred says is less weird because it's cultural. Oh, so because it's a culture that most Black people constantly fetishize, it's cool, right? COOL. They continue to banter and then get serious about the meeting details. At 9pm that night- their Migos meeting is going down. Darius tells Alfred that he's going to handcuff himself to the briefcase in order to look more professional during their highly elusive drug deal and I know something is about to go very, very wrong.
Scene: We all we got!
Lloyd is blasting his beautiful vocals as Van and Earn try to find parking on their date. Earn suggests that they park in the neighborhood wino's pop up parking lot where he tries to hook them up with neighborhood security and a parking deal. This is a man on a hustle and you have to respect that.....but you don't have to trust it. "We all we got!" he exclaims when Van starts to doubt how safe his pop up parking lot will be. Earn makes a point that there's not a lot of police security over there which we know all too well, and Van does not want to park there so they keep it moving.
Scene: Trapping Is Boring As Fuck.
Alfred and Darius pull up to their drug drop off spot in the middle of the woods where Black people are camping. The leader of the Migos (Quavo) tells him that trapping is boring as fuck which is a nod to all the cool (white) kids who think that trapping is this glamorous, dangerous lifestyle that hood Black people learn from birth. Sorry, kids- people do what they have to do to survive. This isn't for our personal enrichment. They have to wait for Quavo to finish a previous deal which includes him terrorizing someone that probably owes him some drug money. (See, kids? Death is involved.) As they are waiting for this unknown person's demise, Darius is nervous because he can't find the handcuff key to open the briefcase and after seeing one black man get killed that night (spoiler alert: that random man dies), it is no problem for him to become the next victim.
Scene: We got ourselves a hipster.
Van and Earn finally find parking and are sitting down in a restaurant that I know is making Earn sweat because it looks like money in there. Earn asks the waitress about the happy hour menu and I knew that it was going to be downhill from there because NIGGA, YOU'RE BROKE. He finds out the F____ Boy has completely sent him off because the cheap happy hour menu has been discontinued because that's how Earn's life is set up. Van starts with a drink that I know Earn can't afford and then everything goes to hell. They're ordering all types of fish of the sea and other drinks and appetizers to wash it down with. Van asks who he is texting and we know who it is because we've all had a moment where we had to text Chase to see what's up. Van starts to tell him teacher stories from the day because she is oblivious to the fact that this meal is leaving Earn with 10 cents to his name, but he can't focus because he knows that he just overdrafted so he goes to the bar to ask the bartender how much "market price" is. The bartender clowns him, but proceeds to help him out.
Scene: Hand me Percy over there.
Darius is still trying to figure out where the handcuff key is as they wait for their impending death. Quavo does in fact kill the unknown dude that inevitable owed him money with a gun names Percy. Like, he just completely ends his life, and, of course, this calls for more panic for Darius who is pretty much assuming that they're going to die now.
Scene: You're killing me, tonight.
Earn and Van have a heart to heart about dreams and ambitions and everything seems to be on the up and up and then Van dismisses herself to the bathroom. The waitress comes back and tries to upsell Earn and he curses her out. Like, way out because it seems like she's just trying to watch him fail tonight. I can't figure her out- like if someone is asking you all these questions about price- why would you offer his girl all of these options? What's wrong with you?! The waitress looks offended, but not more offended than Earn's debit card right now because that account is TRASH McStuffins.
Scene: Hello cousin, how are you?
Alfred and Darius are with Migos trying to complete this drug deal when Earn calls and asks Alfred to put $20 in his account. Alfred does the perfect impression of a Black person in code switch mode when he tries to answer the phone calmly. Earn can't keep his mouth closed on speakerphone so he lets on that he knows about the drug deal in front of the Migos. Alfred quickly hangs up and they kind of sit awkwardly for a second. Back at the restaurant, Earn can finally pay the bill because Alfred transferred the funds and Van is either doing this on purpose or she really is ignorant to the fact of how broke Earn really is in true life because she leaves a tip that I know he can't afford. Alfred and Darius make moves to close the drug deal and meets Quavo's Latino cousin who is a huge fan of Alfred's mixtape. His presence will complete the pun now: they are the 4 Migos (amigos). Get it? K. I'll go over it again in the next scene.
Scene: That's some dumb shit, Earn.
The drug deal goes well and we finally learn that they are Migos by name but also because the Latino cousin completes the Four Migos. Pun finished. When Earn and Van get home, they are fighting about their individual dreams and goals in life. Earn wants to be a rapper, and Van wants to open a fashion boutique. Earn has this complete heart-to-heart with the door after Van slams it in his face and after all those words that he truly felt from his heart, Van comes out and is completely unbothered by all the stupid stuff that he really thought he was making sense of. He then goes on the balcony and he reports his debit card stolen BECAUSE HE'S BROKE. He drinks that bottle of champagne that I told you he would be drinking very much alone by the end of this episode and you can only hope that his life goes on an incline from here.