This Episode's Big Thought or Question
What is your value?
Swiping through someone's camera roll and totally ignoring the danger
Smoking weed, listening to Jeremih
Shade only Black women could throw
Denying you sell weed on the phone because the feds listening
Best Darius Quotes
He wasn't in this episode at all!!!! I MISSED HIM.
Scene: Looking like Black Marie Antoinette.
We open up to Van meeting a friend in a beautiful restaurant. We already get vibes that this girl is a goldigger and a frenemy because all she's doing is throwing shade at Van the entire time. Van's homegirl gets a bottle of wine and starts talking about her fabulous life, private jets, London, Paris, and how much she doesn't want a kid. This is just an awkward conversation all around. She tells Van that women need to be valuable, but especially Black women need to be valuable. We also see that Van is out here in these streets a lot more than we thought she was when she mentions that she's out here getting it in and declining Earn's phone calls. Black Marie Antoinette (Jade) takes a photo of her food to put on the Gram and then tells Van that she invited some dude to take them out to a listening lounge, without Van knowing it. How are you going to do that, girl?? On a girl's night out?! Van says she's going to the bathroom but she actually dips.
Scene: He wants me high, trust me.
Van is walking through the parking lot when Jade rolls through in her Benz and offers Van a chance at some kush that she has stashed with her. We cut to what seems to be the perfect girl's night out: smoking weed on a rooftop, listening to Jeremih, talking about boys. Jade asks to have a picture of her smoking weed and blowing smoke because that's what girls with booking info in their bios do and they end scene in what seems to be a legitimate friendship.
Scene: I DON'T KNOW.
Van wakes up and she is frantically searching for her phone when she realizes that she has a drug test today. How does one not remember that they purposely calendared a drug test in their phone? If you have to calendar it, then you already know you smoke weed, right?! She calls Jade who is carefree in the world and tries to ask for him help (this is all after she realizes she left her house keys in the door from last night). Earn comes home and says that she looks weird to which she replied that she's just tired. She then asks for Alfred's number so she can try and get some tups on how to pass her drug test. She's sitting on the toilet, googling her life away, and catching multiple L's.
Scene: I thought smoking weed was, like, irresponsible.
Van calls Alfred with her tail between her legs because she knows that she gives Alfred hell for smoking weed in the first place. Alfred tells her to put clean pee in a condom and tape it to her leg. She doesn't know where can she can buy clean weed at this point before work so what she does next is just....filthy as hell. She cooks her daughter's pee from her dirty diapers in a pot that she cooks normal food for her family in, in her kitchen. And I mean she funnels it, purifies it, warms it up- she creates organically crafted pee to use for her drug test. She walks into her school feeling like the man when she is stopped by another teacher who is dealing with a hellion in whiteface in her classroom. Van doesn't have the time, though, because she's going to have pee running down her leg soon if she doesn't get this condom situation together. She shows up for her drug test with the condom taped to her leg, tries to open it with her mouth, and the pee explodes all over her. In her hair, IN HER MOUTH, all over her clothes. All of that cooking pee in the kitchen for what, Van?!!!! FOR. WHAT.
Scene: Girl, you sloppy as fuck.
Van flat out tells her principal that she smoked weed and her principal says that she understands because everyone smokes weed but but still fires her. She then tries to give her a hug, but Van smells like weed and pee now, so I'm sure she REEKS. She then tries to get Alfred to sell her an eighth over the phone which Earn then replies that he doesn't sell and she's just over her day. She goes into her classroom to finish out the rest of her day when she sees the creepy Tobias sitting in the back of the class. IN FULL WHITEFACE. Poor Van.