At first glance, I am the worst Kid Cudi fan that you have ever laid eyes on.
Actually, I'm probably the lamest of them because I don't smoke, I don't drink, and I don't like to get lit in the moshpit at his concerts. But he's my favorite rapper. I don't care if you think that he is the best rapper alive, or the coolest, or the best writer or even deserving of my accolades- he is my favorite rapper because he is one of the few that I know that openly shares his struggles with his fans and within his music at will. And he is himself at all times- take it or leave it. So, this letter is to him as he has (as of October 4, 2016) admitted himself into a facility to gain clarity about his mental illness. Remember: mental illness is VERY real and to avoid talking about it is to give it more power over you. In order to empower ourselves and other people, economically or otherwise, you must take care of mind, body, and soul FIRST.
I'm writing to you because I can't get my mind to focus on anything else. Last night, you admitted that your battle with depression and suicidal thoughts has gotten to a point that you cannot overcome on your own and that you would be reaching out for help. The magnitude of that act alone is one that requires a lot of courage. The elephant in many a Black family room is the discussion of mental illness and its actual prevalence in our lives, our culture, and our people. Your willingness to seek help (no matter how long it took you) is a testament to your character and the true devotion you have to the people that value your music and your life.
I don't know what brought you to this point of realization, but I can only speak about how I have been feeling as of late. It's hard to talk about feeling down when what's bringing you down is something intangible. The feeling you get when you wake up in the morning to news that someone who looks like you was murdered because they look like you. The feeling you get when fellow teachers have to strike for basic needs to help their students through a system that doesn't truly want to see all of them win. The feeling you get when your family is sick and you feel helpless because you don't have enough time or resources to do anything that makes a difference. The feeling you get sometimes when everyone thinks you have it together and so you hold yourself to that standard even when you fall apart as soon as everyone takes their eyes off you. Cutting people out of your life in order to be mentally healthy. I can speak to all of that and more.
But really, Scott, my man on the moon- I just want to show you gratitude. I want to give you your roses while you are living because your life matters. Every song that you've ever made spoke to me in some way- whether it was to make me feel that I was not alone, or crazy, or too out there. Thanks for being unapologetically yourself. I can literally go down every tracklist and show you a lesson that I've learned in each one. I'll just give you a few, though, because that will take all of my life. :) Here are a few to let you know that I'm thinking about you-
"In My Dreams" made me feel limitless and that I had all the power I need to be whatever I wanted to be.
"Trapped In My Mind" helped me realize that all of those times that I woke up in night sweats with nightmares that only God knows about- you were somewhere waking up with them, too. And that I wasn't alone, after all.
"Unfuckwittable" showed me that nobody could ever have power over me unless I gave it to them.
"Too Bad I Have To Destroy You Now" reminded me that I am control of the energy in my life and that people who do not love do not deserve any piece of my mind, heart, body, or soul.
"Live and Learn" taught me that mistakes don't define me and everything I learn I can use to make someone else in my path better.
"Handle With Care" reminded me that I don't have to push people away that love me. I just need to be very open and honest with people who decide to go on this life journey with me.
"The Prayer" taught me that I need to leave a legacy for the days when I am no longer here and affect everything positively while I still am here.
"Sky Might Fall" taught me that sometimes life will just SUCK. A LOT. But, that I always have hope for the next day because, when I make it there, it will be a gift from God.
Like I said, I could do this all day.
I don't know what you were planning with Passion, Pain, and Demon Slayin', my love, but I pray that you learn to slay your demons while you're away. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with your progress. Be loving to others who want to help you and support you. I know it's crazy to think that people you will never meet in your life are willing you to be well, but it's happening right now. There are prayers being sent up just for you. You've taken this step and I'm sure you have encouraged many others to follow. Remember: they'll never you take you alive. Take your roses, Kid, and let your garden grow.
We love you.
I love you.
To the moon and back,